I Didn't Want That
by elvirakitties
Summary: Slash, what happens when Tom (Voldemort) uses the internet.


Severus was leaning against Tom's office door trying not to laugh as he could hear Tom cursing up a storm. He saw Harry and waved him over but put his finger on his own lips to tell Harry to be quiet. As they were listening, Severus was thankful for Tom and Harry research in teaching him how to speak Parseltongue.

~I didn't type that. I wanted a recipe for a cream pie. Cream Pie, why is that so hard to find.~ Tom muttered.

~What is that? That doesn't look like a pie, are you sure you spelled it correctly?~ Nagini asked, as she was hanging over his shoulder. ~That looks messy.~

~Yes, let me try again.~ Tom looked at the keyboard and using one finger he hit the backspace key. ~Now let's try this again. C, r, e, a, m, p, i, e.~ Tom let out bit of a huff as the scene appeared before them filled with pictures he certainly doesn't want to see. ~Nagini what am I doing wrong?~ Tom started to panic as pop ups started flashing on the computer screen. ~How do I stop that? Look at all those women, why am I getting naked women flashing on the screen.~

~How am I to know? You two legged are weird. Close all the boxes like Sev explained, try another word from your list.~ Nagini watched as Tom followed her directions. ~Sev is going to have to explain that.~ The snake warned Tom.

~I agree.~

~Do the next word.~

~Fine, next on the list is facial, Lucius mentioned something about them.~ Tom typed in the word and pushed away from the keyboard. ~Nagini cover your eyes.~

~Pretty Boy likes that? That looks cleaner than that last picture.~ The snake was staring at the screen. ~Are you sure you are typing in the right words?~

Tom picked up his list and reread it. ~Yes, see, Lucius mentioned getting it done and how nice it made his skin feel. He said Narcissa had it done weekly, she goes to some spa and gets it done.~

~I don't think our Harry will allow you to do that.~ Nagini slithered back onto Tom's shoulder. Tom didn't want to tell her what they did in the bedroom and didn't comment. ~You might not want to listen to Pretty Boy's ideas anymore. Stay away from anything you got from the Dingy One, I am afraid of what might show up.~

Tom picked up his quill and crossed off that word and following Nagini advice, crossed off a few more ideas he got from Bella. ~We need to find a good site for some rope, a tarp, some chains for moving some rocks, a pulley, twine, some hooks. Severus wanted to build some kind of rock pond out back. Harry also mentioned creating some hammocks for us.~

~He mentioned it, I told him I want some flat rocks for me to lay on.~ Nagini leaned over Tom as he slowly typed the words into the search engine.

~For the love of Merlin.~

~When did they visit your dungeons?~ Nagini asked looking at the screen. ~I didn't think you allowed anyone to take pictures down there.~

~I don't and they are doing that for fun.~ Tom responded back. ~Harry would kill me if I suggested doing that to him.~

~Like you would ever get the chance, he might do it to you if you ask nicely.~ Nagini hissed to him. ~You can pretend all you want that you are in charge but I can hear.~

~Nagini, I don't want that done, well fine, I admit the tying down might be fun once in awhile but not like that.~ Tom told her. ~Why am I discussing this with you?~

~It's not my fault you can't type the right words in, and get that stuff instead. Try tea bags, Harry mentioned them earlier this morning.~

~Let me try again. T, e, a, b, a, g, s.~ Tom typed out. ~Merlin's ghost, does this thing only have one setting?~

~What is that?~ Nagini asked. ~That doesn't even look like tea.~

~I am not explaining that to you. I don't understand why we keep getting these images. We need some ginger and I know some figs, so let's try that.~ Tom started typing in the words, figuring those words were safer and hit enter.

~Tom, I don't think that is food.~ Nagini told him. She peeked at Tom and saw he is in shock. ~Harry, Severus, come and save him. I think the weird shaped image on the screen is scaring him.~

Harry and Severus entered the office and looked at the screen. ~Tom, love, relax, I promise you no ginger root will ever come near you.~ Harry told him.

Severus began to close out the windows, looked at Tom ~No more internet for you. I think you hit every porn site.~

~That is porn?~ Nagini asked. ~They put that out for everyone to see?~ She was horrified now and started to slithers away. ~Don't ever ask for my help again with that box.~

"Come on Severus, let's get him upstairs and into bed, I think he needs to recover from this." Severus helped Harry pull Tom out of his chair.

"Muggles are weird. I am never using that thing again." Tom muttered as they enter their bedroom.


End file.
